I was talking with my good friend, DJ II Deep, last night and as always…he knows when I am not in a great space. He asked me what I was feeling and I answered him honestly, “I really have no words.” Though it surprised him, he totally understood when I said I was in a valley. He said, “You’re melancholy.” That is one of my favorite words, but I don’t think I feel melancholy as much as I feel the color the word invokes, a dark, dark, almost black grey. Before you all get to gasping, making supplication, anointing your walls, and praying for me let me just say…though I don’t like this space, I am ok. I am ok because I can appreciate this type of darkness and here’s why:
“In the beginning God.” I am in the process of regeneration. I left this city and I did not come back the same. The things, people, places I thought were so important just don’t seem like it anymore. I can’t go back to the same conversations and situations. And so I must begin again.
“The earth was without form.” Because I am not the same, there’s a war between who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. Just as there was a state of disorder and confusion in the beginning, so there is within me. My life is finding its harmony with the ultimate purposes of God.
“Void.” There was emptiness. The void could not produce any good thing of itself, but God used the void as the soil of creation. Only He can create good things from desolate spaces.
“Darkness was upon the face of the deep.” There could be nothing but darkness until the light came. I have so much more to do in the future than I have in the past. In this darkness, God is going to pull a greater light from me.
“Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.” Now it may be dark where I am; there may be chaos and confusion, but the Spirit is always working in my life. However, sometimes I interfere with the work of the Spirit because I try to do things on my own or get ahead of God. The darkness and chaos could not make anything of itself. It had to wait for the Spirit to move.
“Then God said… and there was…” God’s word is Powerful. He spoke it and it was done. His word is the energy that renews me, but as aforementioned…I sometimes get ahead of His plans. I’ve done that A LOT this year. It hasn’t worked out so well. I think I’ll go ahead and take this time to wait on a WORD from Him.
“…and God divided the light from the darkness.” Geesh. The Divine division process is beast! I feel like a fried mozzarella stick and God is trying to separate the crust from the cheese in me! Additionally, I also feel myself walking alone much more often because…if God doesn’t want me to commune with my own darkness, He certainly doesn’t want me communing with anyone else’s. And let’s face it; there are many dark people on this planet. I find fewer and fewer like-minded people which leaves me having many conversations with myself. But if God separating my light from the darkness means I get to sit in the firmament above and shine, then I’ll gladly walk alone.
Following the creation of the light, God made many more wonderful things, but the best thing God made was me (and you), and I am the only creation designed in His image. Sometimes I get covered with the griminess of life to the point His image within me in unrecognizable. Other times, I just need a chance to begin again. Right now I am beginning again. So I’ll wait patiently in this darkness knowing that even in the chaos and disorder, the Spirit is moving as He perfects me in His likeness. I’ll wait patiently in this Genesis appreciating that from this darkness, He will not only create a greater light but a multitude of miracles in my life. –Sean Johnson