“My Mom’s Suicide Note to Me” Photo Courtesy of Paul Jones, 2014
I called someone I had not spoken to in a month or so the other day. Anyone who knows me knows I am not one for too many phone conversations. You’ll rarely get me on the phone for more than ten minutes at time. But something just told me to call her. The last time I saw her she seemed a little different. She had been distancing herself from the circle more and more. When she wasn’t extremely happy, she was on the far end of the spectrum or out doing things she would have never done before like drinking while driving and filming it for IG. Something told me to call. So I did. I talked randomly. Reminisced with her. Made her laugh. And when I didn’t know what else to say I said, “It’s okay not to be okay.” She broke down. Said she had just made up her mind before I called that “Today would be my last day.”
I felt like a failure.
She shouldn’t have gotten that close to committing suicide before I checked in because I had noticed something was different in the months prior. But I wasn’t sure if it was worth mentioning or if it was even my place. It was. This post is for those of who might not be dealing with depression but are watching it like it’s reality TV and not fully understanding…for someone this is real life. For the ones who get too busy to care. The ones who notice something is wrong but never address it. The ones who don’t know what to say so they don’t say anything until they’re given two minutes and a mic at the funeral. The ones who “chalk it up to” whatever ridiculous things we chalk it up to so that we don’t have to face the demons; so we don’t have to acknowledge our own frailty. For the ones who think suicide waves BIG signs when it actually waves small flags.
10 Subtle Signs of Suicide:
- Long lasting sadness
- Complaints of problems sleeping (Too much or too little)
- Avoidance of things that once were part of their routine
- Change in personality
- Changes in appearance (Drastic weight gain/loss, unkempt, disheveled, hygiene issues, etc.)
- Talk of feeling “trapped” or a “What’s the point?” attitude
- Increased use of alcohol and/or drugs
- Complaints of fatigue and constant sickness
- Becoming reckless
Sometimes it’s not just a bad day. Sometimes it’s not hormones or the regular stress of life we encounter. Sometimes people really feel like they don’t have a reason to keep living. No one should feel that way. No one should be made to feel like they are weak for feeling that way if they do. No one should walk this life alone. If you notice, speak up. Support one another. Let people know you will listen even if you don’t know what to say. Do something. Doing nothing is just as bad as wielding the razor.