I’m Marrying Chick-Fil-A

Not a week can go by without someone asking me why I am not married or what I am looking for in a man.  Simple answer?  When I meet Chick-Fil-A, I’ll get married.  Here’s why:

  1. Chick-Fil-A loves Jesus. They make choices based on Christian principles.  They are closed on Sundays.  They put belief before the cost of losing worldly success.  They are convicted.
  2. They use real chicken! My husband will be real.  He won’t be leftover chicken parts whipped together, rolled out, and cookie cut into the shape of a man.  He’ll be 100% organic real man.  He’ll be so true and authentic in all that he is and does.
  3. His customer service will be phenomenal! Chick-Fil-A makes you feel like they’ve been waiting all day just to make you feel special.  You don’t ever have to ask twice and they bring a smile to your face.  They swoop in and pick up your mess when you don’t even know you’ve made one.  They refill your drink, so you’re never thirsty.  “My pleasure” is their motto.
  4. I have never been in a nasty Chick-Fil-A. My husband will love his body and wash his tail.  You would think I would not have to say that, but it’s some nasty men out here, y’all.  Not only will my husband take pride in his physical temple, he’ll work every day to be pure at heart.
  5. Chick-Fil-A has the best sauce selection ever, and they give you as many as you ask for without charging extra.  The man I marry will be so saucy.  Sometimes he’ll be tangy like honey mustard. Other times sweet and savory like BBQ.  Some days he’ll be Zesty like buffalo. Other days he’ll be spicy like Siracha!  But even on the worst days, he’ll be my Polynesian sauce, my favorite, the only one that goes well with everything.
  6. My future bae will be waffle fries. I love potatoes in general, but I will go out of my way for waffle fries.  They are unique, flavorful, perfectly salted, rare and I will fight somebody behind my waffle fries.
  7. Anyone who knows me knows, I don’t like sweet tea, but for some reason I will drink Chick-Fil-A’s sweet tea! My husband will be the exception.
  8. Have you ever noticed that no matter how many cars are in line at Chick-Fil-A you never have to wait? How is it possible?  They are organized!  They have a plan.  They know when they will need the most help, and they put people in place to ensure the job gets done.  Chick-Fil-A workers will stand outside in the rain with an iPad and a parasol to ensure things go well.  My husband will be a man with goals, an actionable plan, and pieces set in place to move us forward through life.
  9. Chick-Fil-A billboards are simple, yet hilarious. My husband will make me crack up.  He’ll have a sense of humor that will inspire me to laugh even when the day is hard.
  10. I’ve never had a bad meal at Chick-Fil-A. There is no substitute or cheaper equal to Chick-Fil-A. No matter where I am, no matter if I have Chick-Fil-A money or not, no matter if a thousand chicken restaurants open in the city, I always come back to Chick-Fil-A.  There will be times when we will disagree, times when we don’t get along, times when we have to sit quietly in separate rooms so we don’t kill one another, men will throw themselves at me, but my husband will be Chick-Fil-A.  There won’t be another like him, no substitute; no one else will get my business.  There will be no other chicken love but him.